I'VE BEEN 'VAMPIRIZED'!

(Wait, this is not a movie review :p )

Yup, I'm one of you who were so excited about the film. Yeah, I'm talking about TWILIGHT. (I'm assuming that everyone who read this entry has the idea about the movie.) Well, I'm not really a big fan. I wasn't even able to read the book, but I'm still planning to.

Last week, the wait of the fans finally came to an end as Twilight premiered here. It was my privilege to be one of the limited fans who saw the blockbuster film on its red carpet premiere! I had hard times securing invitations for that night, but thank God, it was worth it. Before that, there were days that I couldn't stop thinking about the story. There even times that I saw vampires in my dreams, not same as in Stephenie Meyer's dream, though. The vampires in my dreams didn't even look like Edward Cullen. I don't know, but I became addicted to it since I saw the trailer. Thanks to Aaron. I was hooked by its romantic twist. It was like a drug that badly needs to be in my systems. LOL. Thanks to those videos on Youtube, they helped me supply the 'drug' that I needed. :)


Before I saw the film, I was already exposed to the negative reviews that's been everywhere, since it was released in the US a week before in some other countries, including mine. And, I would say that I was almost discouraged by those evaluations. But then, despite those unsatisfied comments that I gathered, the positive ones still had the advantage.

When I finally saw Twilight, unfortunately, somehow, I agreed to some of the negative comments, but I still would say that I loved the movie. They say that it's a love-it-or-hate-it movie, well, I loved it. And, I'm looking forward to the sequel.




Late July this year when I first heard about the movie Twilight. By then, I had no idea that it was a book-based one. Without seeing its trailer, and just basing on its synopsis, I immediately turned it down! I'm not actually a vampire-movie fan, that's why it was just easy for me to reject Twilight. I was, like, "Another boring vampire story". Yup, it's not fear that refrains me from liking vampire stories, but I thought vampire movies were boring. Sorry. Well, that was before. Early the next month, Aaron posted the trailer on his blog, and that was the first time I ever saw it. Man, I was surprised that I liked it. I took back what I commented the first time around. "This is something cool to look forward to", was the only thing I said right after viewing the trailer. "Why not give this film a chance to prove that it's not one of those that I thought were boring", I thought.

Month later, everywhere I go, people have been talking about Twilight. The novel and the movie. I've been hearing the term "Twilight" everywhere. Radio. Theater. Grocery. And so, I started to read more about it, its background, the author, and all. (Except for the book itself) With the information that I gathered, I fell in love with it, Twilight. I promised myself to watch out for this one. "I'm not gonna miss this one", I swore.

Another thing that added up to the excitement was this "vampire" episode on Tyra. (I think it was Tyra's Halloween special.) The episode was, yes, as I've said, about vampires. Since Twilight was still in my head, I paid attention to the show. Tyra investigates vampires, are they true, and all that. Well, to my surprise, vampires are indeed, REAL! Tyra had "vampire" guests on the show! From watching the interview, I was impressed by them. They didn't look harmful. They seemed nice. And, they weren't boring. LOL. I was shocked that those vampires really drink blood. Human blood!! I was like, 'seriously'?! They do it humanely, though. A needle and another stuff are used to transfer blood from somebody to a glass, like a wine glass. Next, they were asked if they eat flesh. Unfortunately, Mum was around then, and she changed the channel. Anyway, one more thing that I found out about vampires is that, some of them, or maybe most, are not into sex. I know! Pretty much weird, yeah. I was impressed, though. Now wondering if they sleep in coffins? Yeah, they do. Well, at least the male vampire guest. He even showed his casket. And, it was scary! One thing that I liked the most about them is that they can read other people's mind. The special ability that I would want to acquire.

It's funny how I was attracted to something that I used to refuse to even talk about. All I needed was a 'twist'. :) Now I even want to be one of them. The vegetarian type, though :p I've just been vampirized!



How can I decide what's right
When you're clouding up my mind?
I can't win you're losing fight
All the time

How could I ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
But you won't take away my pride
No, not this time
Not this time

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know how

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out
On my own
(I'm screaming, "I love you so")
On my own
(My thoughts you can't decode)

Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves

There is something I see in you
It might kill me
I want it to be true

Together

I've been feeling down these past few weeks. Nope, nothing to do with my dear ex. Man, I think I'm moving on :) Anyway, being with my old college buddies (few of my sets of friends from my batchmates from my "first-time-around" college) somehow made me feel enlighted, even for a while.

Our Alma Mater is now celebrating its 80th Foundation Day this month. And, last Friday, the prestigious Miss Campus coronation night was held. Actually, the pageant is called, Miss NTC (National Teachers College-My Alma Mater). Everybody looked forward to that special night, since the said pageant only held every five years. Everybody was so excited, especially those beauty pageant fans, including me :)

In the said night, some of my coolest old college batchmates came to see the show, and so, I had a great day. Or great night :)

NTC-Hotel and Restaurant Management batch 2001-2005. Except me, who just graduated this March :p
Rhea, Miss NTC 2003, Nelda, Denise, Gladys, Marianette.

Miss NTC 2003-Rose Ann P. Cortez, from my department, Hotel and Restaurant Management, who now works as a bartendress somewhere in Singapore. Yup, she just went home to attend and pass the crown to the new Miss Campus.

Miss NTC 2003 Rose Ann, and the 2nd runner-up Miss NTC 2003 Gladys. Both are graduated from Hotel and Restaurant Management, three years ago. Gladys now works as a bank secretary.

Jerome, the one at the center, now works as a linen and laundry supervisor in a four-star hotel. The girl at the left side, Nelda, is extending her school terms due to some reason, and will be graduating next year in March.

It's nice that most of my college buddies are now with stable jobs, and most are applying what they aquired from college, while me, just sitting at home. Actually, I've been trying, but I've been always rejecting.

Anyway, I then realized how good it is to sometimes go out and spend your time with your old friends. It would mean a lot, I thought.

It doesn't matter how far apart we are now

You can add up all the miles in between

If you take a good look all around now

All you see is you and me

When I look at myself in the mirror

I see you standing there smiling at me

And I'm right back at the beginning

Lost inside this memory I won't ever let go, all that I want to hold onto

That we belong together

Like the moon and stars and midnight

We'll be strong forever

Cuz we belong together

Doesn't matter how long that it takes you

Cuz I'll always be right by your side

And even when darkness awaits you

I'll be there to be your light

It's a hard lonely road, when you're standing outside in the cold

Sometimes it's hard to learn to let go

Life always knows the right moments to show you what you needed

Scheduled Delivery

For those who are not aware, I just added a year to my life on Wednesday, August 6th. Thanks to all those who remembered it, btw. Anyway, my birthday did not end in a delighful way. For some reasons, something made my special day a depressing one. I was down up to the next day. I'm not gonna babble about it, don't worry :p

Out from somewhere that 'next day', I got home ten minutes before two in the morning, so technically, it was Friday already, 8th of August. Seemed there was a reason to cheer up again after my depression on my birthday. Well, there was something special about that date and time, 2 A.M.

Just few minutes before 2 A.M., I couldn't make myself at ease; I was so tense and excited at the same time. I can't remember when was the last time I've felt this kind of excitement, with heart beating so fast, feeling so alive in that early dawn. Well, actually, that excitement was not about me or something on me, but about someone else. Nope, not a guy, sorry :p

A good friend from college was scheduled to give birth at around 2 A.M. on August 8th. Yup, "scheduled"! :p It's gotta be their first baby, so there was a lot of pressure. And, oh, isn't it cool to have a baby born on 08-08-08? She was really aiming for that date, because she believes that "8" is a lucky number.

In my room, I was really excited that night. I couldn't sleep, as if it were me giving birth, lol. I'm not sure, though if it is ‘excitement’ that an expectant mum feels when she’s delivering a baby. I think it’s more on nervousness that she feels once lying in the delivery room.

I wanted to be at the hospital along with her family, but ..I chose to just stay at my house because of this fear of hospitals.

Rona Rosario, the new mum, is not the first one to become a mum in our group of friends. We are nine, sometimes ten, in the group. Two are men. Before Rona, we had two who became mummies first. But, unfortunately, I was not able to follow their pregnancies. I just found out that the two had already given birth, in different times. Now that it's Rona's turn, I make sure that I keep myself updated on her condition. And, though, I didn't get to see Rona in her pregnancy, due to fear, (Yeah, I have this weird fear of pregnant women) I always make sure that I check up on her once in a while through SMS. Until the big day came.

Unfortunately, so far, I still haven’t seen the new mum and her baby, since they are still in the hospital recovering. I have to wait for a couple of days till she gets home. I, along with my friends, am so excited to see them :)

Anyway, this special entry is dedicated, of course, to my dear friend, Rona. Congratulations to you and to your man :) Good luck, as you go through the parenthood. Jeez, I’m really envious of you being a mum, and aiming your target birth date, lol.

I Realized All About My Lies

What's up with the month of July?! It's not just when the celebrities and other cool people celebrate their birthdays, but also, the date ...I felt my first heartbreak. I've been single for two years now, and haven't moved on yet. Never will, I think :( I badly miss this guy :'(

Slow down, lie down

Remember it's just you and me

Don't sell out, bow out

Remember how this used to be

I just want you closer

Is that alright?

Baby let's get closer tonight

Grant my last request

And just let me hold you

Don't shrug your shoulders

Lay down beside me

Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere

But one last time just go there

Lay down beside me

Oh, I've found, that I'm bound

To wander down that one way road

And I realise all about my lies

But I'm no wiser than the fool I was before

I just want you closer

Is that alright?

Baby let's get closer tonight

Oh, baby, baby, baby

Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?

Yeah, lay down beside me

One last time let's go there

Lay down beside me

JUSTICE RULED!

Full of smiles. That is how the friends and family of Julia Campbell expressed gratitude as they obtained justice.

Julia Campbell, (hope my lovely readers still remember) was a U.S. Peace Corps Volunteer that was “unintentionally” killed somewhere here in my country. Without that incident, though, this Blog would have been impossible.

Yesterday, June 30, was the awaited moment for the final judgment on the killing. The accused, Juan Duntugan, almost in my age, 25, was proven guilty of the murder that is after a year of trial, and sentenced to reclusion perpetua or life imprisonment.

April 9, last year, Julia Campbell was reported missing. Ten days later, her decomposing body was found. The authorities said that the PCV was brutally killed. Weeks later, the suspect surrendered himself and admitted the crime. He claimed that it was “unintentional”. He said, he thought that the American was his neighbor whom he has fought with few days before the slay happened. Then, trial was done, until the final ruling was read.

As the investigation was taking place, the Filipino that she was with were interviewed and said a lot of good things about Julia. By then, I started searching for her Blog, and on her Blog, I found out more good things on her. She inspired me, and helped me put up my own Blog.

I don’t know, but Julia has touched my life, and I know there are others, too. It was a relief. Prayers paid off. What a nice way to end the month. :)

JUSTICE RULED!!

- - - O N T H E O T H E R N E W S - - -

It’s the first day of July, and my favourite singer/songwriter is celebrating her 25th Birthday. OMG! It’s been almost a decade now since I discovered this girl! :)

Marit, hope you’re having a great time wherever you are right now as you turn 25. Good luck in everything; album, awards, love life, anything. I love you. Hope you’re doing good. :)

- - - J U L Y B I R T H D A Y C E L E B R A N T - - -

I wish I was born on this month. Most of my favourite artists were born on this month. Really cool people were born under this month. Talented. Beautiful. Rich. *sigh* I wish I was one of the July celebrant :(

July 1 – Marit Larsen, my favourite singer/songwriter
-Carl Mc Fly, my favourite local jock
-Princess Diana of Wales, I just like her

-Pamela Anderson, she's hot :)

July 2 – Michelle Branch, my second favourite singer/songwriter

July 30 – Hilary Swank, my favourite Hollywood actress.

Bad Luck Comes In Fours

I started my day today by doing non-sense stuff; watching a movie on DVD. Actually, the very first thing I thought as I woke up today was to do my house chores. I thought I was in mood. Our house was a bit messy this morning. I started by sorting things in the kitchen area. While doing so, a butter knife fell behind our rice container. I couldn't reach for it, so I had to move the container. As I was grasping the knife, my head bumped onto our kitchen mirror that is hanging. Its border is made up of hardwood. It hurts. So then, I thought, doing house tasks as early as that time was not a good idea. I was a bit lazy, too, so I have decided to just spend the time to watch a nice film on DVD. I was home alone, by the way. When the film was running, I headed to the kitchen and get something to eat. It was so dark in the kitchen, but I preferred not to turn the lights on, since I’m used to the place. Without knowing that our one-foot glass rice container was in the aisle, (yeah, my bad, I’ve forgotten to put it back to its proper place) my left leg bumped onto it. I was rushing for the food, so it bumped so hard! Bad luck; part of my head is swollen, then I got a bruise 4 inches below my left knee. Actually, by then I didn’t think of those incidents as bad luck.

Earlier this afternoon, I was set to go out with a friend. Before that, I was having my afternoon-snack when I heard my cell phone ringing. It was in my room, so I rushed upstairs, but then I missed it. While standing in my room, I heard somebody was knocking at our gate, so I rushed once again. I was almost downstairs when all of a sudden, I got slipped! My butt was badly hurt. But, that was not the bad thing. As my butt was on the stair, I saw my fone fell, like 5 feet, to the ground, and it was divided into two pieces! Jeez! My fone still works, but it still needs to be fixed. The bad thing is that, the fone I am using was not bought here in my country, its model was not out to sell here, and so, its parts are not available here. I have to import its part. I don’t know if I would do that, but I hate my situation right now. I’m using my fone’s touch pad and stylus, and I’m not used to that! Stylus is giving me a hard time to send SMS. I need a keypad :( I’m still hoping though, that my fone’s company, Nokia, could help me. :(

As my rendezvous with my friend was approaching, I lost the excitement. I was worried about my fone. While thinking as to how I would be able to fix my fone, I recalled those bad things that had happened to me this day. It could be the what they say, ‘the set of bad luck’, but for my case, I got 4, three of them were physical injury. Despite those things, I still went out with my friend, and thank God, nothing bad happened outside.

Anyway, whether it was a bad luck or not, the moral lesson is; finish what you have started, and be careful! LOL :)

As update, my butt has developed a huge lump with a nice colored-bruise :) Good thing is, I can still sit. I can’t lie back, though. It’s killing me, I swear! My bruise on my leg is huge, too. It’s about 1 ½ inches in circumference. My head is quite fine, but still swollen. I know! It’s not even Friday-the-thirteenth yet. Or, what I had was just a pre-Friday-the-thirteenth? No!! *knock on wood*

Prove It!

I'm not the kind of friend who gives good advices. I'm not good in doing so. I'm not good in giving words of sympathy, either. I just give my friends hug and pat whenever I feel they need one.

Earlier this morning as I woke up, I sent one of my good college friends a 'good morning' SMS, which I had not done to her in few months now. After sending her my message, I went downstairs to have my breakfast. After an hour, I went back to my room to check my messages. Gigie, my friend whom I greeted a good morning message thru SMS, has replied, just right after I sent my greetings. She asked me how I was. Then, I replied. Then she sent me an SMS once again, but this time, her mood changed. In her first message, she seemed happy to have an SMS from me. Her message was with a lot of smileys. But, on her second message, she was complaining about something.

Few minutes before my delayed reply, her family from their province called Gigie and told her that something happened to her older brother, and that Gigie and her other siblings that is outside their hometown must get there, ASAP. Their brother was rushed to the hospital and his condition was not good, she told me, as she complains why it had to happen to them. She seemed losing hope, and I didn't know how to uplift her spirit. I couldn't say anything, but "just keep holding on, and keep the faith". I don't know if that helped. I wanted to be at her side to hug her, but she's too far from where I live.

Earlier this evening, I checked up on her and her brother through fone. She sounded cool, I thought everything went fine as they got to their hometown and saw her brother. But then when she clarifies the situation and announces me the bad news, it shocked me. Her big brother did not make it. I couldn't say anything, but sent her my condolences.

I pity Gigie. She and her family have been through rough times. Three years ago, her mum passed away. Last year, her other brother got married, then two months later, his wife, Gigie's sister-in-law, died, and so her brother was in depression. February this year, Gigie and her siblings that live here in Manila were requested to leave the place for some reason, and so they moved to a far place. Then, now it's her big brother.

Gigie has been a very good friend to me ever since we were freshmen back in 2001. She was there when I needed her. She is just one of my FEW friends who I feel the true kindness and concern for me all our college days, until now. Now, it seems she needs me, but then, I can't do anything. Not even nice words to make her feel good. I can't believe it, I can't prove to her that I am a good reliance. She needs me, but I'm too far. I don't know how I could comfort her.



- - - M A K E U P T O - - -

I would like to take this entry as an opportunity to make up to my friends who I feel I neglect this past few months or so. Forgive me, guys, if there were times that I was not there. I’m finding this hard to say, but you guys are in my heart. I will always care for you and love you. I want to tell you, I might not always there physically, but I am thinking of you. Hope you guys wont leave me.




I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me

On the side of me
Everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go

Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
But you
I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

More Than Half-A-Decade

Six years ago, May 25, I met this guy named Aaron Yap. The date had significance to the both of us. It is the special day of our then favorite duo, M2M. As Marion Raven was celebrating her birthday in 2002, a lot of fans were greeting her on her online guestbook. So then, I thought of sending them (my fellow fans) an email, too. I introduced myself and wanting to befriend with them. I emailed like 20 or 30 fans, but only half replied, and one of them was Aaron.

I don't know, but once I received his very first message, I felt his warmness. Since then, we always exchange emails, until a nice friendship was developed. Year after year, I could say that our friendship keeps stronger and stronger.

Like a typical friendship, however, ours is not perfect, too. There were times that I didn't like his attitude. (sorry) Sometimes, I think, his concern is out of line. It is exaggerated, I think. I don't know if he is just the over-protective type, or what. Believe me, there were even times that I tried to leave him, but I guess, half-a-decade is too hard to let go.

Other than that, I am happy to report that we are going smoothly.

Today, Marion Raven is no longer in my favorite list, (I still love her, though) but thanks to her. I would not be able to meet Aaron without her. Not even at Marit Larsen's site, I bet.

Every now and then

We find a special friend

Who never lets us down

Who understands it all

Reaches out each time you fall

You're the best friend that i've found

I know that you can't stay

A part of you will never ever go away

Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you

And hope it will come true

That life would just be kind

To such a gentle mindIf you lose your way

Think back on yesterday

Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see

The love you bring to me

No matter where I go

And I know that you'll be there

Forever more a part of me, you're everywhere

I'll always care

I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you

I'll be standing by your side in all you do

And I won't ever leave

As long as you believe

You just believe

When No One's Around

While most of you that belong to the timezone I belong to were sleeping last night, I was on my DVD-movie marathon. Since we only have one DVD player and a TV in our house, I'm having a hard time watching films that are...a bit unusual to be seen when my family's around. I'm not talking about porn films, okay, but, gay films.

I come from a conservative and religious family, so it is so awkward for them to see those kinds of films. I think they are not open to talk about that stuff, especially Mum.

Last night, though, was the best night for me to see those awkward films that I’ve been so curious about. Mum was out-of-town for a convention, Papa was on his duty, (as a district peace officer) and my brother was on his Friday night-out with his friends. (Yeah, I know you’re wondering, why not just watch those unusual films in the middle of the night when everybody is asleep? No. Mum sleeps in our living room, where our entertainment stuff is placed. Weird. But, she and Papa don’t want to sleep in their room. They sleep in the living room together.) I rented four gay DVD’s; Brokeback Mountain, Morcova-The Comfort Gay (a local film), Boys Don’t Cry, and D.E.B.S.

Okay, I’m not gonna act like a movie critic, I’ve never been good at being one. But, I’d say that the films are quite good. At first, I thought all gay films were non-sense. I thought they just do their acts, and that’s it. In the four films that I saw, however, they do their unusual acts, too, but there was a story on it. The four films are of different faces of homosexuality, but talks about love.

I don’t know, but I think homosexuality is not a big deal, especially in Europe. Here in my country, too. Homosexuality is accepted in the society, despite its conservativeness. The only thing that the Catholic Churches is against of is their acts. I, myself, am not really the anti or the homophobic type, but as what our Churches dislike, it disgusts me too to see those partners in same sex doing their thing in public, making out in public, especially in front of old people. *Sigh*
How about you, guys? What do you think about homosexuality? I would gladly appreciate your comments about gays :)

Papa Turned 50

Still be talking about my family. This time about my Papa. It was so coincidence that I wrote about Mum the other night then yesterday was Papa's birthday. This is spontaneous. Yeah, I almost forgot that it was his special day.

Between him and Mum, I was more closer to him, my little brother was more with Mum. Papa taught me a lot of stuff, all 'boys' stuff. I grew up tomboyish. Papa and I had a lot of bonding moments. Every weekend morning, he would bring me to his basketball game with his friends, (nope, he was not an athlete, they just play) and would let me play along. Yup, I was the only girl and the little ones. It was Papa who taught me how to play the sport. I pictured how happy he was when he first saw me doing the proper dribbling. Until I totally learned basketball.

Other cool bonding moment was our bike strolling. We stroll together during our free time with his awesome bike. Of course, he taught me how to drive the vehicle. Papa has a lot of cool hobbies, one that I haven't mentioned is shooting. He used to be in a shooting club. He once brought me to the firing range and it was cool. Unfortunately, I was underage then, so I was not allowed to join the club. But at home, Papa would let me hold his sets of handgun. Only when Mum's away, of course. He taught me how to handle it and its bad side, how to assemble and maintain its cleanliness, but unfortunately not the actual firing.

A lot of cool bonding moments. You might think that I was a Papa's girl. Well, uhmm..yeah, I would say yeah a bit. There was supposed to be a lot of cool moments of me and him together, until he was engaged into different bad stuff.

Papa was not really employed then, yet was earning a lot of money. He used to own stalls in a wet market. His business was stall-renting. He then earning 5 times a typical employees could earn, that is from the stallment business alone. He also has his own fruit stand and sometimes drive a tricycle (a 3-wheeled motorcycle used for public transportation) Nice income, huh?!


Well, money is really evil. Too bad, Papa was not a good money handler. Since he had a lot of money, he abused it. Splurged it. That was not the bad part yet. Nope, he didn't gamble, but he was engaged in some other bad stuff. The not-so good habits; drinking and *ashamed* drug-abusing. With that, he little by little was unable to manage his business properly. Drug was expensive. He has to get the money from his 'renters' in advance. Until he totally lost his stallment income, his fruit stand was bankrupt, too. His huge income lost. Totally no income from the stallment.

He was really a drug-addicted then. To his to gain money for drugs, he had to sell some stuff. From his personal stuff, his bikes and tricycle, and his sets of handgun, up to the family stuff, appliance, our cool TV, the 3-player CD and its speakers, (Btw, we were the first to have that kind of player in our then community) our then old VHS player, even the electronic typewriter (like our CD player, we were the first the have it)

The only income then was Mum's salary. It came to the point that the family couldn't maintain its primary expenses anymore, such as telephone bills, water and electric bills. Back then, we had 3 phone lines, 2 of those got disconnected, since they couldn't pay its dues. We even experience electricity disconnected once.

Oops, there is still this 'much' worst part. Since Papa was bankrupt, he owed money from I do not know. He couldn't pay it at the right time, so its interest rose. Until it tripled the original figure. For him to pay back what he owes, he had to sell our..guess what, our 201 square-metered-house, it includes the stalls. I'm not gonna disclose its cost, but its 60-70% went to the money that was owed. Then we moved to a half-a-smaller house than our first one.

As her was engaged to those bad stuff, my feelings was little by little lost. Until it was totally gone. I lost my respect to him. I was not showing any courtesy to him anymore. I stopped calling her 'Papa', but instead, 'hey', and always in a shout manner. I hated him. I wanted him to split up with Mum and find another women. I thought then that broken family is cool, than with Papa around always drunk and high in drugs, always messing things up.

Before we moved to our smaller new house, he quited using bad drugs. I thought that was it. I thought we were going to start again, thought he was then gonna be changing. Like, "a new house, a new life". But his drinking habit continues, and it even gotten worst!

Papa was drunk everyday. But, despite his drunkenness, he still was able to fetch Mum from work to our house with his then 'new bike'. I wouldn't see any changes from him until he suffered a bike accident. He was driving drunk. (I think it was his motto; "Drink and drive". The accident was worst. He lost his memory for a while. He was in a hospital for few months. When he gets back home, I was still mad at him. Then he little by little feels better. When he totally got recovered, it was the start, he quited drinking alcohol. Our then house was far away from my school, so after few years, we moved to a nearer one. If our second house was smaller than our first, this time is much smaller. But that's not the thing. The closeness that was lost between and Papa has not gained back yet when he went back to his habit. Months ago after we moved in, he was confined at the hospital due to over alcohol in his system. It affects his liver. Thank God he survived. His doctors advised him to avoid alcohol, or else it he would lose his life. For the second time, he quited drinking. But I guess his alcoholism keeps coming back..


Few years ago, Mum's province was struck by a super typhoon, so she went there to check up on her relatives that were affected. Mum was away from several days. What she didn't know while she was elsewhere was Papa went back to being alcoholism. Just few months after that, he was again rushed to the hospital. Some hospitals were not accepting him anymore, because his case was very sensitive, until they found one, the one that admitted him the last time. His doctors then declared that he has no chances of surviving. Like, his liver was 'total wrecked'. I was so mad then. Mad at him, of course. It was all his fault. Everything! Mum wanted me to see Papa at the hospital. Despite my hatredness, I came to see him. "That might be the last time I could him see breathing", I thought. "If he dies, too bad for him. He would left with anger in my heart". Everybody was there, my family, some of Mum's relatives and friends, and of course, Papa's non-sense drinking buddies. There was even a little prayer given by a priest, right in his room. No tears were shed from my eyes, since there was a grudge in me.

When my brother and I came home, I started doing my eulogy, as my childhood memories with Papa was flashing back. Nope, I still didn't cry while writing my eulogy.

Afternoon the next day, I was scheduled to drop by the hospital. My plan was to get money from Mum before I go to my class. It was so heart-pounding when I entered Papa's room when he and his bed were not there. Mum was not there, as well. I was so nervous. I thought something that I was expecting happened. While I was on my way to the nurse's station, Mum's friend approached to me and told me that Papa was recovering. And, I was like, "What?!" She said that Papa gained back his consciousness and was observing by his doctors. Mum's friend convinced me to stop and wait for them. Few hours ago, Papa was back and aware. I was so surprised. It was like yesterday when he was like vegetables, so unconscious and now..!? I was sadly surprised and happily surprised. I don't know. It's not that I wanted him to die, but there was not assurance that he would totally stop drinking. He quits and get back. So, I thought it was better for him to die, than remain alive, and continue his bad habit. That only brings burden to the family. But then, his doctors said it was a miracle. So we must appreciate his life-for-the-second-time.

It's been more than a year now since that incident happened. Nope, he's not drinking anymore, thank God. Hope he can hold to his promise never to drink again. Yup, we made a deal. If he gets back to that habit, I will be the one to poison him! Yeah, seriously, it's a deal.

So far, I see big changes from him. He is more religious now and can contribute to the family. Who would have thought that he would reach this age, 5o. He was always rushed to the hospital and would survive. People say maybe he has the lives that cats has. I'm praying that he will totally stay away from alcohol. Maybe the reason why the Big Guy has not taken his life yet, because he still has more missions. Fifty years is not that old. He lost a lot of materials things, but I hope we can go back to the lives we were the very first time I saw him. The closeness that was lost between me and his has not gained back yet, but I, somehow, am showing courtesy now, hehe.

Now, as he turns 50 yesterday, we just had a little celebration, just a simple dinner. Mum bought some food from a Chinese restaurant. Simple, yet cool.

Post-Mum's Day Special

Blog has been an outlet to some of us. Sometimes, it is where we find good place to express what we feel about something; to express hatred of something, admiration and anything, that would make us feel comfortable.

I've been writing about different stuff on my Blog; Julia Campbell, my school, anything, but not about my family. So, I thought why not talk about my lovely Mum this time, since mum's day has just passed.

Thelma, her real name, is now having her 55Th year living on the planet. 56Th on October. Not to old, huh? I'm 23 now, and if you sum up, she had me when she was 32. Old enough for some. For me, too, I think that's too old. Old enough to raise a child perfectly. With perfect discipline, nice guidance, unconditional love, and endless support.

(This is not against her, I'm just expressing my feelings)

As Thelma's eldest, I couldn't say she raised me up well. It's not that I'm not satisfied with how she nurtured me and my brother, but I would say I needed more. How she brought me up is what I am right now. I grew up with her around. Despite working hard and going home in the evening, earlier the next day, she would still prepare breakfast for me and my brother, she packs our lunch for school, takes us bath, and clothes us our school uniforms. She never missed a day doing that.

As a kid, I thought I had a perfect life. Good sets of childhood friends, branded clothes and shoes, nice toys and stuff, Nintendo, a 3-player CD with awesome speakers, enrolled in a private elementary school with good daily allowance, plus a tutor after school. Nice food everyday, plus on weekends, my family would go out and dine somewhere. But when I was little by little growing up, I noticed that I lack something. Something a child must obtain; Mum's moral support.

As a kid, I noticed that it was not me, the favourite in the family. The focus was not in me, it was in my little brother. But that was not a big deal to me, since I had those material things that would make me happy, Nintendo and other nice stuff. Though, somehow, I had that little feeling of jealousy. Okay, we're not going to the jealous thing.

I've seen from my friends how moral support from family made them as better person now. Having good support from parents would get them closer. Since your parents trust you, you cold easily tell them what you're going through and anything. But not in my family. I don't know, but I guess it has something to do with how I was raised up. I belong to the family that is not open to each of its member. Where saying, "I love you" is an awkward thing. We don't even hug when we see how sad one is. I once did that when I was a little kid. I hugged Mum and put my chin on her shoulder, (I guess it was on her birthday) but she asked me to stop it. "Stop it!", she said. It was like she was irritated or disgusted of me. That was not the last time I did that, though. One day, I wanted her to buy something. (A pair of rubber shoes that Grant Hill was wearing. Yeah, I used to play basketball back then.) I pleaded to her in a childish manner with a huge hug, but again, she asked me to stop what I was doing. By then, I realized that 'hug' is not in her dictionary. Even saying, "please", or "sorry" is completely not her type. Since then, I refrained from doing so. Even though, I'm the kind of person who loves to hug. I just hid my emotion all the way.

Each time Mum's Day passes, I feel envious of those children who present something to their mums. Treating them special on this special day. Greeting them, and telling them how important they are to them, and saying "I love you", of course. I wish to do the same, but as I've said, it is awkward to my family.

On Mum's Day this year, my family went to church to attend a mass. In the middle of the ceremony, all mums were requested to go in front and were presented a good song by the Priest, himself. The song was written by the said Priest and it was especially made for mums. The song was about how thankful a child is to her mum, how sorry he is for all the wrong deeds, pains, disappointments and anything. The song was heart-warming. It was so touching. I saw myself in the song. I wanted to tell Mum what was in the lyrics, but I couldn't. What can I do, that is how she raised me, to hide emotion.

One more thing I noticed as I was growing up is that she doesn't have the faith in me. (Oops, this is not self-pity, okay.) She doesn't think I can do some things. Like when I'm playing my guitar. Whenever she hears me playing, she would just stop me by saying, "Stop that. You can't even play a good note". I know, I don't play the guitar that well, but I can play some songs. Also, when I watch TV. She just hates it whenever she sees me watching foreign series, or talk shows or movies. She would say, "turn that off" or "tune that to another channel, cause I don't think you understand its story". Something like that. She doesn't have the faith in, she doesn't believe in me. I think she's against me. That is why I think I lack the confidence that other has. How would you have the believe in yourself, if your mum, herself doesn't.

Now, I'm, a bit relief, for I have expressed my feelings.Still, after all those, as every child claims, "my Mum is the best mum!" As I've said, this article has nothing against Thelma. I love her, and I'm so thankful to have her. I don't have any achievements so far, but I wish to make her proud someday. And that 'someday' is hopefully soon.

How about you, guys? I'd appreciate to hear anything about your mummies :)

I have a smile stretched from ear to ear

to see you walking down the road
we meet at the lights I stare for a while the world around disappears

just you and me on this island of hope

a breath between us could be miles
let me surround you my sea to your shore

let me be the calm you seek

oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much

I can't say and you just walk away

and I forgot to tell you I love you

and the night's too long

and cold here without you I grieve in my condition

for I cannot find the strength to say I need you so

oNe yEaR

My Blog has been running for a year now. I can't believe it, but at first, I didn't have the courage to start my own Blog, but now, it's been standing for a year. Yeah, most of my entries, if not all, were senseless, not to mention about how I wrote them. I write lamely. But then, I could say I loved them.

Few months ago, the thought of deleting this Blog came into my mind. Since I couldn't update it anymore due to laziness, sometimes due to busy-ness, why not delete it. But then, part of my was like, "you can read your lame entries in future and laugh about it". I thought reading about the past is quite enjoyable, as I do with my old personal diaries. So, I decided to, yeah, just keep it. I got lost, but now, I'll try and get back in track again. I'll try to write lively, too. Goodluck to me :)

So, what's up with me? As you guys are aware, yeah, I'm done with schooling. Everybody would think that I already have a cool job now, since it's been two months when I finished college. And, with the fact that I hadn't updated my Blog, you guys might think that I was busy working. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I still don't have any one yet. Just weeks after my graduation, I tried my luck, but I got rejected. It didn't give me much disappointment, since the position I applied for was 'not' in-line with what my college taught me. After being rejected, I thought of relaxing. Why not rest up a bit since I was in six rough school years. This 'bit of rest' wont take that long, though. Maybe in few weeks, I'll get back in trying my luck for a cool job position. Whether it's in my field or not. At the moment, I'm just keeping myself updated about the job openings. I wish they could wait until I am ready for having one, hehe :)

I think that would be all for now.

Hope my dearest linked friends are all doing fine, especially Desiree, who just turned 24 on Monday. Hope you had a great day on your special day, sis :)

And, oh, before I forgot, I would like to take this opportunity to thank my dearest linked friends who checked my entries for a year, inspite its lamenessly :)

And, to the root of all these, the late Julia Campbell, who just has her first death anniversarry last month :( Anyway, about the case, final ruling has not red yet, until June 30th this year. I remember, several months after the suspect claimed the slay, he filed a not-guilty plea, and that just hated me. But then, according to the news, the prosecution has the bigger has of obtaining justice, which is a good news :) Anyway, hope she's happy wherever she is right now. I wish to meet her lovely mum on the final ruling :(

Takecare you guys.

I'll try and getback in track again :)
Big hugs :)

P.S.: Below is my official college yearbook photo.

I don't look good, but as they say, it's not the look that counts, it's the title :)

Happy Easter!:)

Happy Easter!Ü

'I'm Back! And, With A Cool News!"

Hey there:) Hope you guys are doing fine as I post this entry. Don't know what's up with you all, haven't red your Blogs yet. I've been in silence in 4 months, I know. Well, I spent those in my 500-hour hotel training, which is the last stage of my college life. Yup, I've mentioned before that I was not gonna be busy this semester, that's what I thought, and I was wrong.

In my hotel training, there were days that I had to be on duty for more than 10 hours. My longest is 14 straight hours! So, I really didn't have time to do my online habits. I would come home so tired, that I could even miss my meals. I would prefer to just go to sleep as I arrived home. I was 2 months tired. As a hotel intern, I was a chambermaid. Yeah, the one who cleans rooms, sets bed, and cleans bathroom. Does it sound not good to you? Well, to me, not. I enjoyed it. I loved my then job. My favourite part was the garbage collecting. Nope, not just the garbage from every hotel room, but the overall hotel waste. I really loved that task. You might think that my superiors were just taking advantages of me, but, no. Infact, they weren't allowing me to do the task, but I pleaded them. I'm sure most of you would get disgust to collect and throw garbage, especially if you do not know what are in the garbage. There could have used baby diapers, spoiled food, blood, anything. But, it was a pleasure to me to do it. I know. I'm weird. Oops, takenote, in the hotel history, I am the only female who tried the luck in collecting and throwing garbage. Hehe, title holder :) My tasks was not just being a chambermaid and a garbage collector, I was also assigned at the linen area. My task there were data encoding and stock inventorying. Which is I think, for you, is much better than garbage collecting. But, *lol* I'm really weird, I hate the said job! I couldn't be able to stay longer, so after few weeks, I went back to cleaning-the-bathroom and garbage-collecting tasks. I've just ended the training on February 12th, I started on the 10th of December. However, after the training, I still had to be busy doing my paperworks for my hotel internship.

Now, let's proceed to the 'cool news'. *ehem* (I think you got a clue in my introduction.)

I don't know, but I think not all my coolest online friends know about my school life. Well, I've been in college for 6 years now. *Blushes* I've been trying hard, but school really hates me. Or, maybe, yeah, I didn't try hard and I just didn't like schooling. My course, Bachelor of Science in Hotel and Restaurant Management is supposed to be taken for only 4 years, but it reached up to the 6th. This would be the best time for me to tell you this, it is embarrasing, but I think you, guys, wouldn't mind. In my college life, it's not just once or twice that I got an 'F' grade, and those were the reasons for me to extend my term in my school. I've been a huge headache to Mum, as well. But, *ehem* thank God, my school sufferings would come to an end. Yup, I'm graduating!:)

Wayback school year 2005-2006, I decided to stop schooling, and just stayed at home. Nope, working was way too far in my mind then. Just wanted to be at home. As SY 2006 approaches, Mum talked to me and asked me if I would still want to go back to college and try to graduate. I thought of that in few weeks. Until I decided to, yeah, go back to school and finish college. I learned the importance of education. By then, my batchmates from my Freshmen year all graduated. And, left were the new batches whom I didn't know and didn't think they're cool as my batchmates. In my first year of my school-for-the-second-time, I met new classmates. All nice and cool, but I still didn't feel the warmth as with my old batchmates. No, no, no, it's not that. I think my new classmates could be cool as my old ones, too, I just didn't have the chance to be with them closely. Up to my second year, still the same. I miss my former classmates, but I need to finish my school even without them. I still have their supports, though.

And, finally, tomorrow, I will finish my college life. Yup, tomorrow would be the big day. Can't explain what I'm feeling right now. Part of me is happy, while the other is sad. Happy, because, finally, yeah, school sufferrings has ended. Maybe, sad, because I can no longer avail student's discount, also daily school allowance from Mum. I don't know. Oooh, I didn't notice the time. It's late. I gotta for now. Haven't pressed my gown yet >_<>_<>

Ooops, want to tell you, guys, and to the whole WILD world that I am dedicating my special day tomorrow to my lovely Mum. She's been sufferings a lot for my school, and it finally comes to an end. I wanna thank her. (Couldn't thank her in person) Thanks, Ma, for everything. This would have been impossible without you. (Jeez, I wish I could tell that to her face to face :( )

I've never been

The one to raise my hand

That was not me

And now that's who I am

Because of you

I am standing tall

My heart is full

Of endless gratitude

You were the one

The one to guide me through

Now I can see

And I believe

It's only just beginning

This is what we dream about

But the only question with me now

Is do I make you proud

Stronger than I've ever been now

Never been afraid of standing out

Do I make you proud

I guess I've learned

To question is to grow,

That you still have faith,

Is all I need to know,

I've learned to love,

My selfish part of me,

And I've learned to

Walk on the road I believe

Everybody needs to rise up

Everybody needs to be loved.