Life Is Hard

The other day, I learned the passing of Mr. Ben Roderos, the father of one of my childhood friends, Rodel Roderos. He was 74 and died after suffering heart ailment.

"Tiyoy", as he was best known, was a kind and a very good husband and a father of 6. I witnessed how nice he was to Rodel and the rest of his kids. Rodel and I were classmates in Kindergarten. I noticed how responsible Tiyoy was to him. He would fetch Rodel at the school everyday. Up until Rodel was in Grade and Highschool. Unfortunately, during HS, Rodel and I seperated when my family had to move to another place. We then had new sets of friends and lost communications. Although my father and Tiyoy could still often see each other. Tiyoy was one of my father's best drinking buddies. However, my father has stopped drinking alcoholic beverages. He treated Tiyoy as his uncle.

Tiyoy's family and mine are very good friends. I remember when my father was stubbed by someone and was rushed to the hospital, mum had to watch him all-day. By then, my brother and I were just 5 and 6 years old, respectively, and were not allowed to visit to the patient, as hospital rules. We didn't have any relatives that live nearby our house, so the Roderos took care of us. We live at their humble house for few days and were treated as part of the family.

When my family found out that Tiyoy was rushed to the hospital, we didn't have any thoughts, but go and see him, especially that one of his children told us that his doctor confided that there was no chance of surviving in his case. So my family immediately went to the hospital in the middle of the night. Regardless that mum has to go to work early in the morning the next day.

Tiyoy was comatose in the Intensive Care Unit. Though I didn't go inside the ICU due to the hospital fears, I could feel how hard it was seeing your loved ones unconscious, as I saw the faces of Tiyoy's children. Some were silently crying, others, including Rodel was trying to be strong for their father. The next day, at our house, mum and I were wondering why my father was not still home at 6AM. He used to go home before 6AM from his voluntary job, a baranggay police. But that day, he came home late. He came at 9AM brought the bad news that his once treated uncle passed away.

Tiyoy was a retired Navy. As honor, there was a 21-gun salute during his internment, as the naval marching band played the funeral song. It was so hair raising. Tears fell down, as the remains were pulled down to bury. Relatives and friends sent their sympathies to the family of Tiyoy, and prayed for his soul. May he rest in peace.

Losing loved ones is one of my worst fears. If destiny permits, I would want to be the first to pass before my loved ones. I don't ever want to see the other way around. But then, we do not know when would that happen. That's why with this incident that Tiyoy had, I'm showing more love to my loved ones and I'm now doing my best to make them happier with my company.

"Life Is Hard", as how Miss Julia Campbell entitled her entry which she dedicated to the late father of her friend, which this entry was inspired by.

My family is praying for Tiyoy's soul. May he rest in peace. And, for his family, please stay strong.

What ravages of spirit

conjured this temptuous rage

created you a monster

broken by the rules of love

and fate has lead you through it

you do what you have to do

and fate has led you through it

you do what you have to do ...

and I have the sense to recognize that

I don't know how to let you go

every moment marked

with apparitions of your soul

I'm ever swiftly moving

trying to escape this desire

the yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

the yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

but I have the sense to recognize

that I don't know how

to let you go

I don't know how

to let you go

a glowing ember

burning hot

burning slow

deep within I'm shaken by the violence

of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do

and I have sense to recognize but

I don't know how to let you go

I don't know how to let you go

I don't know how to let you go

...

I don't know how to begin with my today's entry. I don't know if I am upset, or what. It has something to do with Miss Julia Campbell, yeah. No, not about the case, but about her death. I've been remembering her death month-aniversarries every 9th of the month. I even dedicated the date I started having Blog to that date, the 9th. But I've found out earlier, while I was digging up news about her, that it's not April 9, the day she died. It's April 8th, her death anniversary. I do not know how to explain it to you, guys. It was April 9 that I first heard on news on TV and Radio. And, I then realized that it was indeed, April 8 >_<

Please bear with me :(

I'm BACK! :)

Yeah, I’m not gonna be as busy as I was in the last school semester anymore. (Well, we'll see) Yup, the first sem has ended and I’m on my way to the next. Yesterday was actually my first day of school for the 2nd sem. But let me tell you first about the last one.

The first of the two terms this school year was so hectic, as I told you, guys, in my past entries. I was so busy that I couldn't update my Blog often. I didn’t even have the time remembering Miss Julia Campbell’s death month-anniversaries. I could say that I had never been so busy as I was in the last sem. I used to “not giving much attention” to my school assignments, but in the last sem, I did.

Last sem, I was enrolled in two courses, the Teaching Course in Hotel and Restaurant Management, and the Feasibility Research, which I often talked about. Teaching Course is a course about teaching in my field, Hotel and Restaurant Management, and its teaching techniques and strategies. By the way, my school is the only hospitality school in Metro Manila that requires the Teaching Course in the curriculum. In this course, we had to act as a teacher in the class and to be evaluated by our teacher, who is also the department head of HRM in my school. Each of us was given 3 topics that were to be demonstrated in the class one at a time. So, in future, we can be teachers, too. I could say that this course had put a little pressure on my, but I think I did my best. Yup, just a bit of pressure compared to my 2nd course, the Feasibility Research. I’ve mentioned before that this course needed a careful study on building up a restaurant. And, thank God, my group, or should I say, most of the members of the group did their best in our project. At first, when were just starting, I often complain about my group mates. I didn’t like them. I thought all of them were not that dedicated to the project, but as the sem goes by, I’ve proven myself wrong. Maybe, I didn’t see their concentration when we were just starting, but I could say that they were indeed, industrious as we went on through the project.

My group had countless, sleepless nights together at one house, just doing the projects. Especially in the last part of the sem, when our teacher was rushing us in our book. I was not able to attend all those nights, though. But, I made sure that I could stay with them up to the midnight and usually would go home alone. I also had myself 3 consecutive nights and days sleepless at home, and followed by another after couple of days, just doing my tasks in the project. Anyway, yeah, we made a book. We put into a book the Feasibility Research we had. It was a 7-chaptered book.

See how hectic the course was.

Few days after the mid-term examination, my group had heard from the other groups that the deadline for the submission of the book’s first draft was on September 7, earlier than my group knew. But then, we believed in rumors, and we then only had 5 days left. We rushed ourselves. Doing nothing, but the project, since by then, we still have more works to be done. Our goal was to meet the deadline.

The deadline of we “thought” the submission of first draft of book came. My group was so surprised to see no book was on top of our teacher’s table, the first was my group’s. We thought we were late that day. Eventually, we found out that we submitted the book a week early to the supposed to be deadline. We were relief. Until the original deadline for submission came. My group was shocked that only few groups had submitted the drafting. The batch of the few books, including my group’s, had the advantage of being checked first, by our teacher. To those who submitted their drafting late, it was so unlucky that our teacher lack time of checking books. It was their faults, anyway. Then the books that were checked had returned to the groups. My group’s first draft had a lot of comments and suggestions for changes from our teacher. My group was thinking if she really wanted to make our book more meaningful or she was just putting more pressure on us. Either way, we still made the changes.

Our teacher scheduled a deadline once again, but this time, for the final book. My group had sleepless nights again, doing a lot of changes. The final book was done, and we submitted 4 copies to the, not to our teacher anymore, but to the board of expert panelists. It was for them to study our project, which would, in few days, be presented and discussed to them by the groups.

It was like the “judgment day” for the fourth year students facing the panelists to present the 4 months-in-the-making project. Different emotions my group had before our turn. My group, by the way, was the first group of the 2nd batch of presenters to present. And, of course, we prayed before we started the presentation.

Before our turn, me and my group mates was nervously reviewing and preparing for our individual topics, but as we entered the “conference room”, the nervousness turned to excitement. Yeah. We didn’t know how it happened, but we were so excited to begin with our presentation as we saw the panelists. Oh, let me introduce to you the board of panelists. The panelists was composed of 4, but unfortunately, one of them, who was in-charge of asking the financial matters, couldn’t make it, due to an illness. She is also our school’s Accounting Department Head, Mrs. Aura Marie M. Baetiong. Anyway, the remaining 3 were, one of them was the Dean of the Instruction in our school, Dr. Leonisa C. Del Rosario, then a teacher in HRM Department, Mr. Robert P. Mallon, and the guest panelists, a College Dean in a reputable and distinguished hospitality university here in Manila, Dr. Gloria Baken W. Siy.

I’m not gonna go in to the whole details about the group’s presentation, but instead its highlights. The guest panelist, Dr. Siy said that she was, for the first time, impressed, out of the groups that had then presented since the first batch. That was so flattering, especially to me, since I was not that confident with our project. My group a number of “very goods” from all the panelists, especially they interrogated the financial aspect of our project.

Lieza Arboladura, my group mate who made the computation for the project’s financial aspect, did a very good job. Chapter 5, the Financial Aspect, was one of the stuff that our teacher suggested my group to make changes to. It was just few days before the submission of the final book when Lieza made the changes. I was a witness of her almost giving up. I heard her kept on complaining, that she didn’t know how the proper computation was. I even heard her, in the middle of the night, arguing with two of our group mates, Amy and Lei Ann, who were also part of the “financial aspect” team. They were arguing about the computation, “no, it’s like that, it’s like this..” as they exchanged words figuring out the proper computation. Until the two of them totally gave up, took a nap and left Lieza still figuring out the correct computation. I was still awake then doing the typing job when Lieza shouted and said, “I made it!!” By the way, chapter 5, the financial aspect, was consists of the project’s prospective projected sales, income statement and expenses.

We couldn’t explain what we felt. After the presentation and came out of the conference room, most of us cried, tears of joy, probably. Most of the groups from the two batches of presenters came out the conference room so relief, full of smiles in their faces, one of the groups were even jumping and shouting, but my group, we cried. That was really unexpected to hear wonderful comments from the panelists, most especially from Dr. Siy.

After the presentation of all group from the 2nd batch, where my group belonged, a meeting was held headed by our beloved teacher :) Our teacher, by the way, was also in the conference room during each group’s presentation. During the meeting, our teacher congratulated all of us. She was so proud of us. Of course, there was a group that had problems in their project. The board of panelists didn’t like their presentations and their financial computation was incorrect. So, they had to repeat those stuff. And, guess who was endorsed by our teacher to help the poor group? Of course, it’s Lieza! :) Other groups from the first batch even sought help from Lieza to assist them to their computation problem.

I remember when we were just starting, my group was like the underdogs. Once being embarrassed by our teacher, and felt we were the least favourite among the groups. The quietest group, and the group that didn’t have cool cellphones, didn’t dress fashionably, and the group that didn’t eat expensive foods, but tell me who’s the one crying now. Hehe, just kidding :p Peace out!



--- T H A N K Y O U ' s ---

First of all, I wanna thank the Big Guy up there, for granting me a cool group to be with. You know how much I prayed for that. Thanks for the guidance and for always keeping me and my group mates safe in and outside the school the whole school semester.
I would like to thank those who believed in me and sent their wishes, my family, though you didn't really say you were wishing me lucks, my friends, my online friends, my old classmates, thanks for those advises, my group mates, Lieza Arboladura (who by the way, got the highest grade among the groups! in our course feasibility research), Maria Hilda Besmonte and Lei Ann Egos, (two of my group mates who easily get hurts) I apologize once again about my silly jokes, hehe. Amy Catabay, nice jobs on defining terms, Amelyn Broso and Heluyo Ramos, (two of my group mates whom I often talked about, lol. It was so lucky of them not being asked by the panelists. Nice prayers :) ), and of course, the group leader, Teresa Mansujeto, you really intimidated me by your words during the rushing of our first draft :). I believe I was really destined to be in the group. It was so spontaneous to be with you, but I guess that was meant to be :) Thanks for those memories and cool moments of laughters and excitements, nervouseness and pissed outs. And for sharing coughs and colds :) I love you, guys, and goodluck in this sem ahead.

To my parents, Ray and Thelma for your support, especially financial. This project was so expensive, thanks so much to you, guys. I'm dedicating this wonderful project to both of you. I'm also dedicating this project to my group of friends that were mentioned above, you know who you are. And, of course, last but not the least, I'm dedicating the success of this project to my inspiration, the late, Miss Julia Campbell. She was one of my inspirations to get through when my group had the first rejection. And, yeah, I would like to acknowledge the 7th death month-anniversary on Friday, the 9th of the month. I can't believe it's been more than a halfyear now :( I'll try to dig up some updates about the case. I heard her mum was here to testify for her daughter about the case. And I didn't hear anything about the case since then. I'll try to get some.


We walk without a sound
Across a barren landscape
Your eyes are twisted down
To the dew entrailed ground
We watch the stars
As they slowly fade away
And in the clearing sky I see
The cold stone face of morning
Setting in on me

It's a strange world
It's a very strange world
That leaves me holding on
To nothing when there's nothing
Left to lose

Your touch is cold and damp
The devil's in your eyes
I wonder why I always
Let you lead me on this way
'Cause you see only
What you want to see
Feel only as you want to
And I am on the outside
Of your strange world

We're walking hand in hand
We'll walk this way forever
Our eyes have risen to the water's edge
Watching with the tides
The stars have fallen
To another day
And the sun warms our path to find
That reason leaves us far behind
In this strange world

Final Defense

Wow, it's been a quite while since the last time I updated my Blog. I couldn't believe I would be busy as this. And, nope, I'm not done with my busy-ness yet, but I'm almost there. Yup, it's still the Feasibility Study that's making me busy. And, guess what..tomorrow will be my actual defense. The four months in the making project will be needing to defend to the expert panelists tomorrow. Actually, it's just about 7 hours from now. And, I'll gladly appreciate your wishes, guys :( I need those :(

Anyway, I'll keep you posted about the defense. Our group is not that ready, but still I'm hoping for a good outcome. If we fail in this course, we still need to retake it and extend for one year.

Anyway, hope you guys are all doing good.

I'll keep you posted :)

Huggies :)

"WHEN YOU GO"

There's so much to offer so much to throw away
The ever present darker side is making you color blind.
But luckily my blinded one I know you and not what you've done
Not what you've done
You beautiful soul

When you go a feeling that chokes
When you go a feeling that soaks
When you go away into the unknown
When you go you break my heart
Don't you go cause it chokes, it chokes

Given all you are inside a shaft of light that you can't hide
But an idle mind will dominate and feel all the demons steak
When you walk around that oldstreet
Where you lived and who you were then
You can have it again
Everything's not broke

It's a fever that soaks you go away
Into the unknown
Into the unknown
When you go you break
Don't you go yeah cause it chokes, it chokes

--JULIA CAMPBELL--

Last Thursday, the 9th day of the month, was her 4th death month anniversarry. Prayers for her soul.

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water
All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water
The fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's to hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me
On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along
The fire fades away

The Past Weeks

As update to my last entry, my classmate who was offended by my silly joke and I are doing fine. When that incident happened, I was so scared, that the smooth bonding that was then starting might lost, but then she said she understood it. So, back in gaining cool bonds, but this time, as I said, I'll watch my words :) Yup, she's one of my group mates in my thesis group that I've just met this Semester, and we're just starting a cool smooth bonds. I'm getting to know them more and so are they to me.

Well, since I've mentioned about it, the thesis, my group is approaching to the fifth, and as my old classmates, who finished the course already, are saying, the most difficult chapter. After chapter 5, then two more to go, and we're done. We're not completely done with chapters 3 & 4, though. Chapters 3 & 4 was no joke. The past few weeks were so hectic. My group was so worn-out on our individual tasks. We submitted the said chapters for re-checking, but only chapter 3 was checked. And, as what we had on our first report, back in late June, our teacher found a lot of corrections and mistakes, but this time, just the little ones. More on typographical and grammatical errors, so we were not the upset anymore.

Well, about the problem with my group mates that I mentioned before? Uhmm..I would say that it's not that big anymore. Most members in the group are having cool bonding, that makes a great communication within the group. Everyone is doing their part and tasks. But not completely, as I said. There are still ...some who don't give their best 100%, not even close to it. How would a group workout and would have an excellent outcome if one of their members is not functioning? If he/she is not doing his/her tasks? If he/she doesn't have the initiative? That is the big problem of my group.

One of my group mates is not participating. She just enters the class, secures her attendance and sits on her chair all 3-hour long, while the rest of the group are haggard on their tasks. The group doesn't know how to motivate her anymore. We gave her two assignments, but neither were correct. There was a lot or... I would say that all of them were erroneous. And we had to repeat all of those by ourselves, which was so time consuming. I don't understand why she doesn't see the benefits of doing her part in this project, it's for her own good, too.

As I said, THESIS is the hardest part in the college life. We have to make a 7 chaptered book as the result of our feasibility project. When the book is finished, we still have to defend its contents to the selected expert panelists. The grades will be depending on how we defend. The grade of a particular member will be the grade of the whole group. If one doesn't know the details about the project, and was asked by the panelists, which is inevitable, it would affect the grades the group will get. Now, how this girl would know the details, if she doesn't participate and usually doesn't attend the outside the school meetings? We are almost done with the first 4 chapters, but she hasn't shared anything. Not even thoughts or ideas. She's good in contributing financially, though. But we need mental! Well, I will send her a letter, a motivation letter. I will try to motivate her. So, wish me luck, guys. This is the only problem my group is having right now. If we couldn't solve this, we wouldn't get the grades we are aiming, or much worst, fail, because of her!

Anyway, still about the past weeks. Our country was experiencing from droughty. Yup, I said on my previous entry that this season the rain and typhoon was supposed to come, but nothing came. A lot of farms and major water sheds are shorting water stocks. The government sponsored a cloud seeding, but it was not enough. It was weird to have drought in the rainy season.

A cardinal called for a prayer request for the rain to come and supply farms and dams. Few days later, a heavy rain came, brought by the two typhoons. With that, farms were watered and water in major dams are back in to its normal volume. If the rain didn't come, the major water company was supposed to shortage their supply to households starting this week, which was a bad news.

Mum said that it's true, the rain came because of the prayers. I was amazed with how powerful prayers are. But then, that requested rain brought calamities. Some provinces were drowned by overhead floods, there were casualties, minor landslides, and floods, floods and floods in the Metro Manila, and of course, classes were suspended. It's nice that prayers was granted, but so sad when there were lives taken :(

Lastly, yeah, I will mention it. I've just turned a year older exactly a week ago. Just want to thank my linked friends who remembered it. I appreciate it, guys. Luckily, all of the people I was expecting to greet me have greeted me. This is a late thank you, but still, thank you :) For those who didn't know my birthday or have forgotten to greet me, you can still do so, hehe :)

Anyway, hope you guys are all doing great. Have a great and a wonderful time there :)
Huggies :)

P.S. : Of course I wont forget about it. Happy 20th Birthday to my dear friend, Ira Roslan. Whom I promised to write a letter to, but I haven't been yet, hehe. Happy Birthday, my dear sis. Hope you're having a great day wherever you are right now. I wish you all the best and of course, good health. I love you :) Big hugs. Leo RuLz! \m/