Sweet Girl

(There maybe unpleasant words contain. Excuse me for those who are having meal)

I can’t recall when was the last I shed a tear for something that is really painful. Years, maybe several years ago. And, I had always hoped that that pain would be the last one. It is a sucky experience to have one. Everyone doesn’t want to feel pain. Pain, literally and figuratively. But then I guess there is no last time in having pain. It must come, once in a while. I just recently sorrowed in the loss of somebody that, I would say, already close to my heart, somebody that I just recently met. Not somebody, as in a ‘person’, but somebody as a ‘friend’. A pet.

Two months ago, my father took home a small dog, not a puppy, but a small female dog. Somewhat like of a Dachshund breed. My father saw the poor dog strayed. The little black, tailless dog, didn’t seem so pleasant at first glance. She had skin problem. She scratches from time to time, and that caused her hair loss in some part of her body. But then she doesn’t have any wounds or reddened part, plus the itchy part were all dry, she doesn’t have any parasites visible also, so I thought there was nothing to feel disgusted about. As soon as I realized that it was safe to touch her (or her skin), I immediately carried her in my arms. That was after we washed her, of course. I even let her sleep on my bed for a couple of nights, but then Mum wouldn’t tolerate it, so we left her outside.

My father named the little dog “Dahlia”, after the street where we live. Dahlia, on her first few days, was so quiet. Literally! She wouldn’t bark, nor whimper. Maybe she’s mute, the family kiddingly thought :) It was music to our ears when we heard her first bark. It was when she saw a cat outside our house gate. Cute little voice. And, it is rare for us to hear such voice, since all dogs in the neighborhood are big ones.

Of course, it was a big problem for our 7-year old Pitbull, Nero, to have Dahlia around. Jealousy is obviously the main reason. The two never met. The saw each other from afar, but we never let the tiny dog come closer to the beasty one. He could kill the poor dog with just his one big foot! :)

As days gone by, we switched the two dogs sleeping areas. Nero, ever since he came, leashed inside the house, now sleeps outside, still leashed. Dahlia was free inside. But still, the fairness treatment was there. Nero didn’t have any problems adjusting as he seemed, also Dahlia.

We discovered Dahlia’s character upon having her around the house. A sweet girl and adorable. She always loved to be carried around arms. Whenever she would greet us, she wanted us to carry her as a sign that we greet her back, and I remember, upon putting her down, she would immediately go back to her sleeping area. Dahlia was not biased. I remember I had an argument with my father. I raged. My voice was ‘loud’, and Dahlia didn’t know who to come near to. She just walked slowly with a confused look. She ended up staying under the dining table. Dahlia seemed old. She might have given birth already, a few times, maybe, her nipples proven. But then, she still had the puppyish side of her. One afternoon, approaching our dresser, a few steps from my room, I saw my stockings on the floor. How did these get here? Dahlia then came out from somewhere, greeting. I never did get mad, of course. I was, instead, delighted. It’s a good sign that you’re feeling home.

Another weeks later, Mum, noticed breasts and tummy slight enlargement in Dahlia. “She could be pregnant”, Thel suspected. And, we just laughed at her. How could she get pregnant, she’s not even going out. “Yeah, maybe she’s just over-fed”, Mum agreed. A few days past, Dahlia started scratching again. Everyone was surprised. We never fed Dahlia anything, but her own food. Plus, she was having her regular bathe. Father rushed Dahlia to the vet when the scratching went worse; wounds starting to create due to continuous scratching. The vet gave Dahlia a shot for anti-scratching, my father said. But there were no changes over the night. Maybe the medicine is not effecting yet, give it a chance until tomorrow. Still no improvement the next day, but we were patient. We waited. The next day, we noticed that her wounds were slowly getting healed. The scratches were then gradually. My family sighed a relief.

I was surprised the day after that she didn’t finish her meal. It was already time for another meal, so I replaced her leftovers with new one. She ate a bit, and then stopped. I talked to her and asked if she was okay. She seemed okay, it was just her loss of appetite that bothered me. In the early evening, we noticed Dahlia was having a (sorry for those who are eating) a dark colored discharge. “She’s in-heat!”, our first reaction. “Cool!”, my personal reaction. We were then already talking about a male partner for her. But then, as the night got deeper, though, I am aware that having discharge is normal, I still worried. I kept asking Mum if Dahlia’s case was still normal. Mum must know, the four of us must, since we used of having female dogs before getting into this stage. I also asked the vet Dahlia recently went to. “It’s normal”, both Mum and the vet said.

Dawn, the next day, around 3AM, I got up to check up the dog. I caught her sleeping, but immediately got up upon hearing my presence. She came to me, whimpering, while wagging her short tail. I thought she was asking for food, so I gave her one, but she just ignored it and continue to make that sound, as if there was something she badly needed to tell me. I woke my mum up. Maybe Thel was right that the dog is pregnant and was about to give birth that night. Thel then immediately made a whelping place for Dahlia. And, the little dog, even without instructing, went inside the whelping box, scratch the bed for bit, maybe to create heat, and fell asleep right away. She was still having the dark red discharge then. “I told you, she’s pregnant! And she’s giving birth today”, mum kept on saying. We checked up once in a while if she given birth already, but couple of hours later, still no litter. I then offered the dog her food, but she seemed to totally loss her appetite. I then, instead, offered her milk, and she took some, and got back to sleep. In the afternoon, my brother transferred her to the laundry area. When I check her up, she was sleeping beside her stool and dried urine mark. And, it was unusual. Dahlia used to do her thing away from her sleeping area. She then woke up upon hearing me and got up to greet. I then moved her to clean her messed up area. While I was washing her soiled linens, it delighted me to see her peeing, and she poofed nice pieces, dry and rounded, good sign that she was not sick or something. Then I continued washing Dahlia’s laundry. When I turned my back to see what she was doing, I was shocked to see heavy flow of red thing from her vulva, continuous flow! Somewhat like peeing, but she was not in her peeing position, she was sitting, looking at me. Maybe she didn’t know that she was bleeding. She then stood up and noticed the flow. It was unstoppable! Having the fear of blood, I was supposed to have the eerie feeling and freak out, but surprisingly, I didn’t. Worrisome was my initial reaction. I was totally uneasy. I was alone. I let the bleeding stops while I finish my laundry, and not taking my eyes off of Dahlia. The bleeding then stopped, and I immediately started cleaning her mess, while talking to her, comforting her. Maybe she’s not pregnant or giving birth; maybe she’s sick or has a system disorder. My thoughts. I made sure that everything was clean. I made a new whelping bed (in case she was really having puppies) I tried to feed her, but she refused, but she had a little bit of milk. Then fell asleep. Before leaving her, I wrapped her in a clean piece of clothe to maintain the heat. I was not relieved, I checked up on her once in a while, and she was sleeping all the time. In the early evening I went up to check up, she was out of the clothes that I wrapped her, and there were two blood stains on her newly-changed sheets. Couldn’t help myself, but just shook my head sideways. She was bleeding again.

- - - M I S C A R R I A G E - - -

Mum then finally came home and immediately went to Dahlia. I was not there when Mum did, but she said, Dahlia, though already weak, was still managed to stand up and greet her, and mum carried her in her arms as a sign she greets Dahlia back. I checked up on Dahlia once again in the evening. Using a flashlight, I tried to look how Dahlia was and the light incidentally leads my eyes to something. A few feet away from Dahlia’s bed, I thought I saw poof. I was on my robe by then, so I asked Mum to clean the mess. Mum went, and shouted, “it’s not stool! She gave birth already”! I was so excited. I rushed to check, and to my shock, it was a dead fetus :( I then broke down. I cried out loud, and didn’t mind who could hear. I blamed myself, and my brother and my father for not believing Mum that the dog was having a puppy :( Regret was what I was having. “I told you, she was pregnant”, Mum continuously saying.

Dahlia was still sleeping despite my noise. When they left me alone, I talked to the poor dog. I apologized deeply. I was somehow liable, I know. I couldn’t sleep that night, I wanted to be at Dahlia’s side. I was in my room, but would check up on her every 10-20 minutes, and I always caught her sleeping. Maybe she was still weak from giving birth. Around 3AM the next day when I had her warm milk, she had some, and immediately went back to sleep. It was past 8 in the morning when I felt sleepy. I heard footsteps on our wooden floor. I ran immediately thinking it was Nero, the big dog, incidentally escaped and went up. Dahlia was in my mind. But it was not him on the wooden floor. It was Dahlia. She collapsed as I caught her, showing weakness. And there was huge amount of urine beside her. It was a few dog’s steps from her bed, and I couldn’t believe that she was still managed to, despite her condition. I then put her back to her bed. I was not sleepy anymore by then. I was just at her side. I sat beside her and make sure she’d be fine. Another hour later when I felt sleepy again, but I fought for it. I wouldn’t want to leave her side, even for few minutes.

In the evening, Dahlia was good signs. She drank a lot of water, and then a few minutes later peed away from her bed. I was delighted. She was still having the effort to stand to pee away from her bed, I was amazed. I was enlivened. You’re battling. Good gurl! I was at ease already when she went back to sleep. I was so happy. I was already playing an up-beat song, particularly “over-protected” by Britney, and I was singing along. It was, I think, past 2AM when I felt sleepy. I can tightly sleep now. But of course, before going to my bed, I went to Dahlia to check. I was shocked, she was off her blanket. I gave her water, and she had some. I put her back to her bed. I was disappointed to notice changes in her breathing pattern. She breathed slowly. Come on. Please survive. I was crying, talking to her, “there is a new puppy in the neighborhood, once you get well we’ll go out and play with him”. I was showing photos of dogs and tigers to her, while she was lying. She was awake. Her eyes widely open, but she’s not responding anymore. Her eyes even barely blink, just looking at one direction. I was just at her side for a couple of hours, and she stayed awake too. I tried to hum while patting her for her to fall asleep, but she wouldn’t. Around 5 in the morning, I asked Mum to rush the poor dog to the hospital, but she was hopeless. She’s dying. And, I must admit, I felt that too. Her gums were as white as her teeth, and she was still bleeding gradually. Mum promised to bring her to the vet after our weekly exercise.

It was around 9AM when the exercise ended. I was rushing going home, and upon entering our house, there was a small thing wrapped, my brother showed me. I then broke down. No one could stop me. I didn’t care if the whole neighborhood could hear me. I shouldn’t have gone to that exercise! There was so much regret. Why didn’t we bring the poor dog to the vet right after realizing that she had an early birth?! Animal society could sue us for negligence, and it would be okay, please do.

Dahlia on her first few days. Still with the rope she was seen on.

Until now I can’t seem to ask my brother how Dahlia was on her last breath. It would still be painful to hear. I’m jealous of him, though. I had been watching over Dahlia since she was feeling weak, and I missed her final breath?

It just sucks that some people don’t understand what I was going through. A friend thought that I was over-reacting. “It’s just a dog!”, my retarded friend said. I was disappointed she doesn’t understand. Owning dogs or any pet means welcoming them as new members of the family. You have to treat them as one. Build a good relationship with them. When they’re in difficult times, you have to be there for them, and they would do the same to you. Of course, if they die, the family must have the time to grieve. I am totally upset at my friend, and I swear it has affected our friendship (If we have one).

I miss Dahlia. I miss her bright big eyes looking up at us. Her invitations to play with her, to carry her. Her little voice. Her greetings. Her footsteps on our wooden floor. Her tiny tail that only shows when she’s happy. Shit! I swear there is a pain in my throat right now :(

Hey Kid... Your time has come to change
Though I need you more than I've needed anyone in any way tonight
Hey Kid... I know it won't be long
The Captain's calling...come to see you back where we belong

Something inside me is breaking
Something inside says there's somewhere better than this...

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in her eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you he's in love with me

Hey Kid...Do wishes count at all
Can you give me a sign...give me anything I won't tell a soul you told
Hey Kid...Will you hold me when I sleep
Will you find me when the tide decides that I got to leave

August This Year Was Not-so Good

I was not optimistic as this month started in, but I was not pessimistic either. It is my birthday month, and I didn't expect something cool to happen, nor did I think worst thing might come.

I started this month not-so good, actually. It's about my brother. I promised myself that I'm not gonna talk to him anymore. He's been a headache, not just to my parents, but to me as well. So far, it's still the same. And, I've been doing good, holding on to my promise. Luckily, I'm not in the mood to talk about the issue. My birthday came, and it was just the same. And, I thought the rest of the month is still gonna be the same, not just for me, but for the entire country.

Eleventh of this month, a provincial bus fell off the cliff and 40 of its passenger died on the spot. Its cause? Human error! The driver is now being sued.

Ten days later, last year's Philippine representative for Miss International found dead after her AUV suffered from head-on collision with, another, provincial bus!

The worst happened on the 23rd. Yeah, it's the hostage drama that was in the news world wide! Still in the process of investigations, both by the Philippine and Chinese authorities. Currently, people and officials are still pointing fingers as to who is accountable for this.

It sucks that the relationship between Filipinos and Chinese has to be affected by this incident. There are reports that there are some Filipino workers in Hongkong were terminated by their bosses because of what happened here last week.

Those were just the unusual news in a country. Often bad news, such as fire, flood and dengue are always in the news here. I don't know what to expect in this coming month, I just hope that the ruined relationship between Philippines and Chinese community will be over.

Good thing, somehow, there was a good news. Somewhat, a neutralizer to the Filipinos. It was when our candidate for the Miss Universe got the 4th Place in the said pageant. Many were not satisfied, she could have gotten the crown if she given the best answer in the Q&A portion, many thought. I admit I was not satisfied too, I was disappointed right after hearing her answer, but overcome it easily. When she called as the 4th-runner up, it didn't hurt that much. I thought of others that did not make it to the top 15. Nice job to Miss Philippines :)

Prayers for the souls of those who died in the vehicular accident, especially for the former beauty titlist, also for those who killed in the tragic hostage crisis. Justice for them.

1st of July

Happy Birthday!

15th Philippine President

May 11th this year, my country had a history when it held its first automated presidential election. In just few hours after casting of votes has been closed, it was clear already as to who will win as one takes a huge lead from other presidential candidates. It took weeks, though, to officially proclaim the new president.


A former senator, 50, Benigno "Noynoy" Aquino III is the 15th President of the Republic of the Philippines. Like GMA (former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo), P-Noy, as what he would like to be called, was also born of a parent that was a former president, the late Corazon Aquino. And so, many hope that this man is the one to change everything. So, we'll see.

I never liked Noynoy even before. I didn't care of him when he was a senator. I don't like the way he speaks, the way he walks, his baldy head, and all. I don't know. Plus the fact that he holds grudge from the past, I hate it. I never liked his idea of running as a president, nor didn't I vote for him as a president. But then, I'm not pessimistic on his governance. Like most of my fellow Filipinos, I am seeing a brighter future for my country with him leading it.

A lot of people, if not all, hated GMA, but they have to see the bright side as well! I don't love GMA, but I don't hate her either. I think she was a good leader of our country. (Or, at least, she tried) It's not final goodbyes to Gloria, however. The former president ran as a Congresswoman of a district in her province, and won! After the formal turnover of the power to P-Noy earlier, GMA headed to San Fernando City to take her oath.

P-Noy and former PGMA

Final military honor to the former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo

...

"THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY"

Well I wonder
Could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy
Call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time

Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do

Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there is only you
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away

I remember
Date and time
September twenty-second
Sunday twenty-five after nine
In the doorway
With your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces

And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again, I know
I guess I really really know

Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there is only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do, I do
You know I really really do

Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true, for me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

Happy Birthday to all the Birthday celebrants for today, the 24th.

I MISS LAILA

...also Gump, Osme and Panget. They were our last group of dogs during my early college years. Laila was the oldest. Laila was born in early nineties, 1990 or 1991, I'm not sure. Her Mum, Doggie, was the first dog I befriended when I was a kid. Not the first in the family, though. I was just, I believe, a toddler when my parents owned a white local-bred dog, also named Doggie. I didn't have much cool memories with him. He was a bit unfriendly to kids. Or, maybe it was my fault, too. I was, I think, 4 or 5 or 6, Doggie was having his meal when I decided to sit right next to him and watch him as he devour his food. Then all of a sudden he attacked me. I was then rushed to the hospital. Since then, I can't remember I ever played with him or came close to him. It was a few years after the incident when he lost, or died. I don't really know what happened to him. Then my parents owned another local dog. It was Doggie #2. This time it was brown with straight-up ears. And, a female one. And friendly. Very! It didn't take too long and Doggie got pregnant and gave birth to nine puppies! It is clear to my memory that her first batch of puppies was 9!:) Laila was one of them. Others were given to relatives and friends.

Doggie continued to get pregnant, and same goes with the first one, 1 to 2 were left and the rest were given away. Doggie later died. Natural death. She was old enough, they said. Like Doggie, Laila gave birth many times. 7 to 9 puppies per batch. I witnessed how caring Laila was to her puppies, which she acquired from Doggie. Even when Laila's puppies grew up already, she would still clean them, licks their ears, finds lice for them, and all. It was a sweet moment to see Laila doing those stuff.

Gump and Panget were included in Laila's second-to-the-last batch of puppies. Gump was named after Forest Gump, and Panget is the Tagalog term of "ugly". Both were males. Osme was one of the last batch of puppies Laila had. Osme is short for Osmenia. A former Senator here. Laila, Gump, Panget and Osme were our dogs when we moved in to another place.



- - - M I S S I N G L A I L A - - -

It is Mum who named Laila. I don't why and where she got it, though. Laila was brown too, like Doggie. For me, Laila was the sweetest dog my family has ever owned. She was not the aggressive type, but barked wildly. Laila was friendly, anti-burglar type. She would let people get inside our house, but makes sure they wouldn't get or hold anything while in the house or going out. It was okay to her to let people walk around the house, as long as they wouldn't hold or even touch anything, or else, she would bark crazily, or worst would bite them. Laila was generous, too. Gump was the greedy type. The four of them were being fed fairly. What Gump would do was eat fast, then transfer to Laila then to another then to another. Laila wouldn't mind Gump doing that. She'd just let him do it, and would just sit afar. Unlike other dogs, they would fight back.

Laila was thoughtful. In our then community, tricycle (a three-wheeled motorcycle)rarely passes around. We need to get to the village's main road to get one. It is the mode of transportation inside the village. From our house, we need to have a five-minute walk to the main road, with a few turns. Whenever I go to school back then, as early as 5 in the morning, Mum, together with Laila, they would walk me up to the main road. The moment of seeing them walk back home as my tricycle goes on was a touching one. Sometimes whenever I would go somewhere alone, Laila and the other dogs would walk me the main road. Most often they would wait with me for the tricycle, they would sit as I sit at the waiting shed, until I get a ride. Then when they made sure that the tricycle moves away, the lovely dogs would walk back home. I swear, tears stream as I write this. Man, I miss them! They were like Mums walking their kids up to the bus station.


- - - T H E D O G S' R U T H L E S S F A T E - - -

In our then village, mosquitoes were everywhere, and were even bigger than the usual, and would bite more stinging and itchy. The dogs sleep at the garage, and are more prone to the stinging insects. A several months later, a year maybe, the scratches resulted into wounds. Laila and Panget acquired more wounds than Gump and Osme. After months of noticing the two poor dogs condition, my good parents decided to abandon them, one at a time. Panget was first. It didn't hurt that much when my parents explained why they have to desert the 'ugly' dog. Maybe because it was well-explained, plus his condition was really worst, also he was then being rude to his Mum, Laila, and we couldn't control him anymore.

When Panget was gone, I then started missing him. I wouldn't know what to do if they'd do the same to Laila. So, I started giving more attention to her. This is despite my busyness on school stuff. I washed Laila every week, I tried to clean her wounds. But after a few months of doing so, I hated it, but it didn't pay off. My parents dumped her :'( They failed at first. Using my family's tricycle, my father drove it down to a far place from our village. Mum was inside the three-wheeled vehicle with Laila. They did the thing early in the morning while me and my dear brother were still sleeping. They abandoned Laila to that far place outside our village. Just when they thought they have succeeded, they were surprised to see Laila home wagging her tail, welcoming them back. When they confided to us (me and my dear bro) that they failed to forsake Laila, my heart was celebrating. But then I was distressed. I kept on hugging and patting Laila and telling her how great she is that she escaped her fate. Since that night, I let her slept in my room, always locked her in. But after a few weeks, my parents did the thing again, and this time they were success :@ At first I didn't know that Laila was gone, until my parents came home, and asked where Laila was. I was, like, "no way"! I immediately checked her in my room, in my brother's room, in my parents' room and its bathroom, in our general bathroom, I went around the community calling her name, but no one came out. "Shit, they did it!". I then locked myself in my room, crying, hoping Laila to come home like she did the first time around. That day, Mum cooked the family's favourite Sunday lunch dish, to make up maybe, but it didn't work out to me. I didn't talk to them for a week, they were explaining things to me, but I couldn't understand anything. I hated them! I kept on waiting for Laila to come home for a month, but she wouldn't :'(

I was not recovered yet with my first heart break, when after a month of Laila's lost, it was Gump's turn. Gump was given to somebody from our old community with me and Mum unaware. Gump was slaughtered, my brother reported. Mum couldn't accept the fact, and neither did I. The deal was just Panget and Laila to dump, but my sucky father broke it! My parents then fight, and I got in the way once in a while. I was raging. I hated him!

It sucks that Gump was brutally killed when he escaped his death twice. In our old community, he was ran over by an SUV. I didn't witness it, but they said he rolled his body under the moving vehicle. The second was with a closed van. This time, I witnessed everything! He was crossing the road, when this van passed, with normal speed. People were telling the driver that there was a dog under, he then slowed down. Gump then started groaning. I almost cried, I didn't want to see him full of blood, but that's how I thought I'd see him, with intestines out. Thank God I was wrong. After the van ran over him, he immediately ran to our house without wounds, no broken bones! He escaped his death for the second time. Everyone was surprised and impressed!

It hurts that whenever I go to the main road for the tricycle, it was just Osme alone walking with me. The used-to-be four dogs, now only one.

It didn't take too long when we moved in to a new house once again. We brought Osme in. In our first old house, my family used to own up to 11 dogs, now it's just one left. I'm not used to have only one dog around, when I grew up with dogs everywhere. But then, I couldn't do anything. Our new house is smaller than the first two, plus houses were clustered. And, so, they wouldn't allow too many dogs.

It sucks that in this community, we have a neighbor that is hungry, very much hungry for dog meat. He is actually a dog meat lover! OMG! He raises dogs just to slaughter them and eat them. How nice! When he saw Osme around, he asked for him. Of course, as new to the neighborhood, my friendly father gave Osme to the pioneer, the dog meat eater!

I can remember how I hated my parents back then. How they made their decision of sending the dogs away to dispatch was so unfair! The dogs, especially Laila, showed loyalty to them, to us, but despite that they dumped them! I wanted to sue them for animal cruelty, but I couldn't. I didn't know how and who to speak with to sue them. Until now as I remember the poor dogs, I remember the hatred that I've been holding in. I'm praying that my lovely parents are forgiven by the wonderful dogs. I'm praying too, that if ever the re-incarnation of dogs' souls exists, man, it'd be a pleasure to meet them in their second life.

(Photos soon)

Happy Birthday, Thel!

It's Mum. It is Thelma her name. During good times, I simply call her Thel :)

Thel turns 57 today.



Also my dear bro, who turns 24.

Mum had a twin bro, but she lost him seven years ago.

Mum has an aunt who also was born on the 8th day of October.

Well, just wanna send a Happy Birthday greeting to the four of them :) *cheers*