Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Sweet Girl



(There maybe unpleasant words contain. Excuse me for those who are having meal)

I can’t recall when was the last I shed a tear for something that is really painful. Years, maybe several years ago. And, I had always hoped that that pain would be the last one. It is a sucky experience to have one. Everyone doesn’t want to feel pain. Pain, literally and figuratively. But then I guess there is no last time in having pain. It must come, once in a while. I just recently sorrowed in the loss of somebody that, I would say, already close to my heart, somebody that I just recently met. Not somebody, as in a ‘person’, but somebody as a ‘friend’. A pet.

Two months ago, my father took home a small dog, not a puppy, but a small female dog. Somewhat like of a Dachshund breed. My father saw the poor dog strayed. The little black, tailless dog, didn’t seem so pleasant at first glance. She had skin problem. She scratches from time to time, and that caused her hair loss in some part of her body. But then she doesn’t have any wounds or reddened part, plus the itchy part were all dry, she doesn’t have any parasites visible also, so I thought there was nothing to feel disgusted about. As soon as I realized that it was safe to touch her (or her skin), I immediately carried her in my arms. That was after we washed her, of course. I even let her sleep on my bed for a couple of nights, but then Mum wouldn’t tolerate it, so we left her outside.

My father named the little dog “Dahlia”, after the street where we live. Dahlia, on her first few days, was so quiet. Literally! She wouldn’t bark, nor whimper. Maybe she’s mute, the family kiddingly thought :) It was music to our ears when we heard her first bark. It was when she saw a cat outside our house gate. Cute little voice. And, it is rare for us to hear such voice, since all dogs in the neighborhood are big ones.

Of course, it was a big problem for our 7-year old Pitbull, Nero, to have Dahlia around. Jealousy is obviously the main reason. The two never met. The saw each other from afar, but we never let the tiny dog come closer to the beasty one. He could kill the poor dog with just his one big foot! :)

As days gone by, we switched the two dogs sleeping areas. Nero, ever since he came, leashed inside the house, now sleeps outside, still leashed. Dahlia was free inside. But still, the fairness treatment was there. Nero didn’t have any problems adjusting as he seemed, also Dahlia.

We discovered Dahlia’s character upon having her around the house. A sweet girl and adorable. She always loved to be carried around arms. Whenever she would greet us, she wanted us to carry her as a sign that we greet her back, and I remember, upon putting her down, she would immediately go back to her sleeping area. Dahlia was not biased. I remember I had an argument with my father. I raged. My voice was ‘loud’, and Dahlia didn’t know who to come near to. She just walked slowly with a confused look. She ended up staying under the dining table. Dahlia seemed old. She might have given birth already, a few times, maybe, her nipples proven. But then, she still had the puppyish side of her. One afternoon, approaching our dresser, a few steps from my room, I saw my stockings on the floor. How did these get here? Dahlia then came out from somewhere, greeting. I never did get mad, of course. I was, instead, delighted. It’s a good sign that you’re feeling home.



Another weeks later, Mum, noticed breasts and tummy slight enlargement in Dahlia. “She could be pregnant”, Thel suspected. And, we just laughed at her. How could she get pregnant, she’s not even going out. “Yeah, maybe she’s just over-fed”, Mum agreed. A few days past, Dahlia started scratching again. Everyone was surprised. We never fed Dahlia anything, but her own food. Plus, she was having her regular bathe. Father rushed Dahlia to the vet when the scratching went worse; wounds starting to create due to continuous scratching. The vet gave Dahlia a shot for anti-scratching, my father said. But there were no changes over the night. Maybe the medicine is not effecting yet, give it a chance until tomorrow. Still no improvement the next day, but we were patient. We waited. The next day, we noticed that her wounds were slowly getting healed. The scratches were then gradually. My family sighed a relief.

I was surprised the day after that she didn’t finish her meal. It was already time for another meal, so I replaced her leftovers with new one. She ate a bit, and then stopped. I talked to her and asked if she was okay. She seemed okay, it was just her loss of appetite that bothered me. In the early evening, we noticed Dahlia was having a (sorry for those who are eating) a dark colored discharge. “She’s in-heat!”, our first reaction. “Cool!”, my personal reaction. We were then already talking about a male partner for her. But then, as the night got deeper, though, I am aware that having discharge is normal, I still worried. I kept asking Mum if Dahlia’s case was still normal. Mum must know, the four of us must, since we used of having female dogs before getting into this stage. I also asked the vet Dahlia recently went to. “It’s normal”, both Mum and the vet said.

Dawn, the next day, around 3AM, I got up to check up the dog. I caught her sleeping, but immediately got up upon hearing my presence. She came to me, whimpering, while wagging her short tail. I thought she was asking for food, so I gave her one, but she just ignored it and continue to make that sound, as if there was something she badly needed to tell me. I woke my mum up. Maybe Thel was right that the dog is pregnant and was about to give birth that night. Thel then immediately made a whelping place for Dahlia. And, the little dog, even without instructing, went inside the whelping box, scratch the bed for bit, maybe to create heat, and fell asleep right away. She was still having the dark red discharge then. “I told you, she’s pregnant! And she’s giving birth today”, mum kept on saying. We checked up once in a while if she given birth already, but couple of hours later, still no litter. I then offered the dog her food, but she seemed to totally loss her appetite. I then, instead, offered her milk, and she took some, and got back to sleep. In the afternoon, my brother transferred her to the laundry area. When I check her up, she was sleeping beside her stool and dried urine mark. And, it was unusual. Dahlia used to do her thing away from her sleeping area. She then woke up upon hearing me and got up to greet. I then moved her to clean her messed up area. While I was washing her soiled linens, it delighted me to see her peeing, and she poofed nice pieces, dry and rounded, good sign that she was not sick or something. Then I continued washing Dahlia’s laundry. When I turned my back to see what she was doing, I was shocked to see heavy flow of red thing from her vulva, continuous flow! Somewhat like peeing, but she was not in her peeing position, she was sitting, looking at me. Maybe she didn’t know that she was bleeding. She then stood up and noticed the flow. It was unstoppable! Having the fear of blood, I was supposed to have the eerie feeling and freak out, but surprisingly, I didn’t. Worrisome was my initial reaction. I was totally uneasy. I was alone. I let the bleeding stops while I finish my laundry, and not taking my eyes off of Dahlia. The bleeding then stopped, and I immediately started cleaning her mess, while talking to her, comforting her. Maybe she’s not pregnant or giving birth; maybe she’s sick or has a system disorder. My thoughts. I made sure that everything was clean. I made a new whelping bed (in case she was really having puppies) I tried to feed her, but she refused, but she had a little bit of milk. Then fell asleep. Before leaving her, I wrapped her in a clean piece of clothe to maintain the heat. I was not relieved, I checked up on her once in a while, and she was sleeping all the time. In the early evening I went up to check up, she was out of the clothes that I wrapped her, and there were two blood stains on her newly-changed sheets. Couldn’t help myself, but just shook my head sideways. She was bleeding again.


- - - M I S C A R R I A G E - - -

Mum then finally came home and immediately went to Dahlia. I was not there when Mum did, but she said, Dahlia, though already weak, was still managed to stand up and greet her, and mum carried her in her arms as a sign she greets Dahlia back. I checked up on Dahlia once again in the evening. Using a flashlight, I tried to look how Dahlia was and the light incidentally leads my eyes to something. A few feet away from Dahlia’s bed, I thought I saw poof. I was on my robe by then, so I asked Mum to clean the mess. Mum went, and shouted, “it’s not stool! She gave birth already”! I was so excited. I rushed to check, and to my shock, it was a dead fetus :( I then broke down. I cried out loud, and didn’t mind who could hear. I blamed myself, and my brother and my father for not believing Mum that the dog was having a puppy :( Regret was what I was having. “I told you, she was pregnant”, Mum continuously saying.

Dahlia was still sleeping despite my noise. When they left me alone, I talked to the poor dog. I apologized deeply. I was somehow liable, I know. I couldn’t sleep that night, I wanted to be at Dahlia’s side. I was in my room, but would check up on her every 10-20 minutes, and I always caught her sleeping. Maybe she was still weak from giving birth. Around 3AM the next day when I had her warm milk, she had some, and immediately went back to sleep. It was past 8 in the morning when I felt sleepy. I heard footsteps on our wooden floor. I ran immediately thinking it was Nero, the big dog, incidentally escaped and went up. Dahlia was in my mind. But it was not him on the wooden floor. It was Dahlia. She collapsed as I caught her, showing weakness. And there was huge amount of urine beside her. It was a few dog’s steps from her bed, and I couldn’t believe that she was still managed to, despite her condition. I then put her back to her bed. I was not sleepy anymore by then. I was just at her side. I sat beside her and make sure she’d be fine. Another hour later when I felt sleepy again, but I fought for it. I wouldn’t want to leave her side, even for few minutes.

In the evening, Dahlia was good signs. She drank a lot of water, and then a few minutes later peed away from her bed. I was delighted. She was still having the effort to stand to pee away from her bed, I was amazed. I was enlivened. You’re battling. Good gurl! I was at ease already when she went back to sleep. I was so happy. I was already playing an up-beat song, particularly “over-protected” by Britney, and I was singing along. It was, I think, past 2AM when I felt sleepy. I can tightly sleep now. But of course, before going to my bed, I went to Dahlia to check. I was shocked, she was off her blanket. I gave her water, and she had some. I put her back to her bed. I was disappointed to notice changes in her breathing pattern. She breathed slowly. Come on. Please survive. I was crying, talking to her, “there is a new puppy in the neighborhood, once you get well we’ll go out and play with him”. I was showing photos of dogs and tigers to her, while she was lying. She was awake. Her eyes widely open, but she’s not responding anymore. Her eyes even barely blink, just looking at one direction. I was just at her side for a couple of hours, and she stayed awake too. I tried to hum while patting her for her to fall asleep, but she wouldn’t. Around 5 in the morning, I asked Mum to rush the poor dog to the hospital, but she was hopeless. She’s dying. And, I must admit, I felt that too. Her gums were as white as her teeth, and she was still bleeding gradually. Mum promised to bring her to the vet after our weekly exercise.

It was around 9AM when the exercise ended. I was rushing going home, and upon entering our house, there was a small thing wrapped, my brother showed me. I then broke down. No one could stop me. I didn’t care if the whole neighborhood could hear me. I shouldn’t have gone to that exercise! There was so much regret. Why didn’t we bring the poor dog to the vet right after realizing that she had an early birth?! Animal society could sue us for negligence, and it would be okay, please do.

Dahlia on her first few days. Still with the rope she was seen on.

Until now I can’t seem to ask my brother how Dahlia was on her last breath. It would still be painful to hear. I’m jealous of him, though. I had been watching over Dahlia since she was feeling weak, and I missed her final breath?

It just sucks that some people don’t understand what I was going through. A friend thought that I was over-reacting. “It’s just a dog!”, my retarded friend said. I was disappointed she doesn’t understand. Owning dogs or any pet means welcoming them as new members of the family. You have to treat them as one. Build a good relationship with them. When they’re in difficult times, you have to be there for them, and they would do the same to you. Of course, if they die, the family must have the time to grieve. I am totally upset at my friend, and I swear it has affected our friendship (If we have one).

I miss Dahlia. I miss her bright big eyes looking up at us. Her invitations to play with her, to carry her. Her little voice. Her greetings. Her footsteps on our wooden floor. Her tiny tail that only shows when she’s happy. Shit! I swear there is a pain in my throat right now :(

Hey Kid... Your time has come to change
Though I need you more than I've needed anyone in any way tonight
Hey Kid... I know it won't be long
The Captain's calling...come to see you back where we belong

Something inside me is breaking
Something inside says there's somewhere better than this...

Sunset sailing on April skies
Bloodshot fire clouds in her eyes
I can't say what I might believe
But if God made you he's in love with me

Hey Kid...Do wishes count at all
Can you give me a sign...give me anything I won't tell a soul you told
Hey Kid...Will you hold me when I sleep
Will you find me when the tide decides that I got to leave

1 comment:

Anouk said...

Hi Rhea,

Such a beautiful story, and I'm so sorry what you had to go through. Screw that friend, you're right, it can be so hard to lose a pet. I hope your dog found peace in a dog's heaven somewhere where she can chase cats forever :) I'm sorry for your loss.